Call The Doctor
by Princess-of-Your-Doom95
Summary: Keef is getting over Zim, but his methods may just be his downfall. ZaDR and one sided KaZR. Better than it sounds.


**I don't own Invader Zim, not the song.**

* * *

><p>Keef was putting books in his locker when <em>he<em> passed by. Keef practically stopped breathing when he viewed a green blur passing him by. He quickly turned and saw that he wasn't dreaming, his crush was within his reach. Keef gulped and shut his locker before taking off after his love.

"H-hey, Zim." Keef stuttered as he walked beside his love. Zim turned and looked at him with his cruel eyes, he smirked and turned away completely ignoring the red-head. Keef felt his heart sink a little, but he ignored it and smiled. "So, I…I was w-wondering if maybe you w-would like to h-hang out s-sometime." Keef said meekly.

Zim looked at him again, his eyes narrowing dangerously. "As if Zim would waste his time with the likes of you." He hissed. "Zim already has plans for this evening."

"W-well maybe I c-could join in on y-your plans." Keef said hopefully.

Zim smirked. "As if, Zim will be spending the evening with the Dib-stink. In fact there he is now." Zim walked away from Keef and headed in Dib's direction, interrupting said person's conversation by hugging him from behind.

Keef could feel his heart crack as he watched the scythe-haired teen turn around in surprise before breaking into a huge smile. His heart split into pieces when Zim whispered something in Dib's ear, causing Dib to blush and laugh. And finally it was crushed to dust when the two gave each other a small kiss on the lips.

"Keef?" Someone asked from beside him. Keef turned to see Gretchen standing beside him, looking at him with concern and worry. "Are you ok?" she asked. Keef looked back towards Dib and Zim who were walking away together, arms wrapped around each other. Gretchen followed what he was looking at and her normally kind eyes darkened. "Oh…I don't get why you are so obsessed with Zim, he's a jerk." She said disapprovingly.

"He's not a jerk, he just doesn't know that I'm better for him than Dib is." Keef said in fake optimism, but Gretchen wasn't fooled.

"Keef, he led you on and made you crazy. You thought a _squirrel _was Zim for like two weeks." Gretchen counters. "You need closure and to accept that he isn't interested."

"I have choir now, better get going before the bell rings." Keef said before walking away quickly. Keef knew that he was just fooling himself into thinking Zim would ever care for him, but he couldn't help it. Zim was like the best thing that had ever happened to him.

Keef hurried down the hallway and walked into the choir room, immediately noticing Dib and Zim sitting in the back corner of the room. They were teasing each other and laughing. Seeing them together suddenly made Keef really angry. What was so good about Dib anyways? He used to hurt Zim almost everyday back when they were kids, Keef would have never considered hurting Zim. And did the oh-so special Dib know Zim's biggest secret like he did?

Then Keef remembered that Dib did know Zim's secret, he knew before anyone else. It wasn't until Keef had met Zim and his robot dog, Gir, that he finally believed him. Of course Zim didn't know that Keef knew, he probably still thought Keef was under the robot eyes' control. Keef smiled at the memory, thankfully he learned to override the eyes' control a long time ago.

"Keef, please have a seat." The teacher said as the bell rung. Keef did as he was told and sat down in his usual chair in the front row. "Alright class, today is the day that you sing your songs that show how you feel deep inside. Who wants to go first?"

* * *

><p>It was almost the end of class, only ten minutes left.<p>

"Thank you, Zita, for that wonderful ballad." the teacher said cheerfully. "We only have a few minutes before the bell, would anyone else like to go?"

Keef got an idea and in a sudden burst of confidence, he shoved his hand up in the air. He decided that Gretchen was right. He needed to accept Zim wasn't interested.

"Alright, Keef," the teacher said.

Keef got up and took out his iPod. He hooked it up to the insanely crappy speaker system and chose the song that would give him closure.

The music started and Keef began singing while looking straight at Zim.

_**Call the doctor, call the doctor**_

_**Must be something wrong with me (oh-h)**_

_**He's a monster, why do I want ya**_

_**Please tell me, please tell me**_

_**He's a monster (aye)**_

_**He's a monster (oh)**_

_**That boy, he's a motherf*cking monster**_

_**But I love him, yeah I love him**_

_**Ooh ah, ooh ah ah** _

Zim was suddenly looking at Keef curiously. Did the red-head know Zim's secret? _Nah, the human is to stupid to discover the almighty Zim's secret._ Zim decided.

_**He's right, don't start (no no)**_

_**'Til you're his own, form of art and (oh oh)**_

_**He's doing his part**_

_**Cause he's winning my heart (my heart)**_

_**There were no sparks (no no)**_

_**Just a gasoline fire burning through the dark and (oh oh)**_

_**He's doing his part**_

_**Cause he's winning my heart (my heart)**_

_**Is he human, does it matter**_

_**I know he's what I'm after**_

_**I can reel him, from disaster**_

_**I know (I know)**_

That verse caught Zim's attention. So the red-head did know his secret...that might cause problems.

Keef kept staring at the alien, noticing his glare deepen. _Maybe this was a bad idea_. Keef thought. _No, Gretchen was right. I need closure_.

_**Call the doctor, call the doctor**_

_**Must be something wrong with me (oh-h)**_

_**He's a monster, why do I want ya**_

_**Please tell me, please tell me**_

_**He's a monster (aye)**_

_**He's a monster (oh)**_

_**That boy, he's a motherf*cking monster**_

_**But I love him, yeah I love him**_

_**Ooh ah, ooh ah ah (ah)**_

Now Dib was staring...more like glaring at Keef. What was he trying to pull? Dib knew Keef had feelings for his boyfriend, but had thought the red-head would have given up by now.

_**Most people are scared (are scared)**_

_**When they look him in the eyes, all they see is fear (but)**_

_**Let me make this clear (this clear)**_

_**I want him near (him near)**_

_**Most people can't sleep (can't sleep)**_

_**Feeling he's out, on the streets (but)**_

_**He is my creep (my creep)**_

_**He is my creep (my creep)**_

_**Is he human, does it matter (ohhh)**_

_**I know he's what I'm after**_

_**I can reel him, from disaster (ohhh)**_

_**I know (I-I-I know)**_

_I think I'm going to be sick_! Keef thought to himself as his face turned red from embarrassment, but the red-head kept singing.

_**Call the doctor, call the doctor**_

_**Must be something wrong with me (oh-h)**_

_**He's a monster, why do I want ya**_

_**Please tell me, please tell me**_

_**He's a monster (aye)**_

_**He's a monster (oh)**_

_**That boy, he's a motherf*cking monster**_

_**But I love him, yeah I love him**_

_**Ooh ah, ooh ah ah**_

_**He's sick, he's fresh**_

_**He doesn't really know how to dress (that's why I like it)**_

_**He's a beast, he's weird**_

_**He, he never looks in the mirror (and I like it)**_

Zim glared. _If this song is talking about me, Keef is so dead. Zim knows how to dress and has no problem looking in a mirror. And I am not a beast nor am I weird!_ The alien thought crossly.

_**Call the doctor, call the doctor**_

_**Must be something wrong with me (oh-h)**_

_**He's a monster, why do I want ya**_

_**Please tell me, please tell me**_

_**He's a monster (aye)**_

_**He's a monster (oh)**_

_**That boy, he's a motherf*cking monster**_

_**But I love him, yeah I love him Ooh ah, ooh ah ah**_

_**Call the doctor, call the doctor**_

_**Must be something wrong with me (oh-h)**_

_**He's a monster, why do I want ya**_

_**Please tell me, please tell me**_

_**He's a monster (aye)**_

_**He's a monster (oh)**_

_**That boy, he's a motherf*cking monster**_

_**But I love him, yeah I love him Ooh ah, ooh ah ah**_

Keef took a big breath after he sang the last cord of the song. He took his gaze away from Zim and noticed everyone else staring at him. Suddenly Keef paled dramatically and ran from the room.

* * *

><p>The only sound the boy's bathroom could hear was the sound of Keef retching in a toilet.<p>

_That was the worst idea ever!_ Keef thought to himself. _How could I forget about my stage fright?_

Keef retched up even more of his breakfast into the disgusting toilet. Convinced that he had nothing else in his stomach to remove, Keef sat back against one of the walls. He really didn't care that it wasn't sanitary at all, he just wanted to go home.

"Keef? Are you in here?" a voice asked. Keef didn't reply, he knew that voice and didn't want them to see him like this. "Keef, I know you're here. So just come out."

Keef groaned and stood to his feet. He flushed the toilet and opened the door to see Gretchen standing in the doorway nervously.

"Hi, Gretchen." Keef muttered as he walked over to a sink. He turned on the water and splashed some of it on his face.

"I heard about what happened." Gretchen said. "Zita texted me the details." she explained when Keef looked at her in surprise.

Keef chuckled sadly. "Figures, the whole school should know by now." Keef splashed more water on his face. He cupped his hands together to get himself a drink but Gretchen shoved a water bottle in his hands.

"Don't drink the sink water," she scolded. "You don't know what kind of poisons it could have."

Keef smiled and drank the water Gretchen had given him. "Thanks," he muttered.

"So did you get the closure you needed?" Gretchen asked.

"Yeah...I think I did." Keef said slowly, a smile forming on his face.

The door to the bathroom opened with a bang, causing both Gretchen and Keef to turn in fright.

"Hello, Keef," an angry Dib spat. "Just wanted to congratulate you on your miserable attempt to steal my boyfriend."

Keef instantly lost his grin. "Oh, hello Dib." The red-head said quietly. Then Keef's brain processed what the scythe-haired teen had said. "I wasn't trying to steal your boyfriend."

Dib chuckled. "Oh, really now?" He asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Then why did you sing that awful song while staring straight at him?"

Gretchen stepped between Dib and Keef. "He was trying to get _over_ the fact Zim hooked up with you. Now if you don't mind, Keef and I are leaving." With that, Gretchen grabbed Keef's arm and dragged him from the boy's bathroom.

"This isn't over!" Dib called out.

"Yes it is." Gretchen muttered darkly.

The girl pulled Keef along beside her until they got outside. She was muttering words that Keef couldn't hear, but judging by her tone, they weren't polite.

"Gretchen, could you please let go of my arm?" Keef asked quietly, but Gretchen didn't hear him.

"Insensitive jerk! How dare he!" Gretchen ranted.

"Gretchen, can you please let go?" Keef asked again.

"As if you wanted to steal his _loser_ boyfriend!" Gretchen continued, not hearing a word Keef said.

"Gretchen!" Keef shouted, interrupting his friend. She looked at him with wide eyes. "You're beginning to hurt my arm, can you please let go?" Keef asked calmly.

Gretchen looked down at her grip on Keef's arm, the skin around her hand was beginning to turn a faint red. "Oh my! Keef, I'm so sorry!" Gretchen exclaimed as she let go.

Keef rubbed his now sore arm. "Its ok," he said. "You do realize we left school in the middle of the day, right?"

Gretchen gasped and looked at her watch. "Oh my goodness!" she shrieked. "We...we have to go back! We can't go back, we would get detention." She said to herself. "What should we do?"

Keef shrugged, "I may just skip since I'm already out here. You can go back if you want, I'm sure they will be nice since you have good grades and no disciplinary problems."

Gretchen nodded. "Ok, um...bye Keef," she said before turning around and running back towards the school.

Keef smiled as he watched his friend leave. Once she was out of sight, Keef lost his smile and sighed. He began slowly walking in a random direction, not really caring where he ended up.

_I can't believe I did that_. Keef thought to himself as he kicked a dented can on the street. _I feel worse now then I did being heartbroken. Maybe it was the hope that Zim would come running to me that kept me somewhat happy. Now I truly understand it will never happen..._

Keef looked around him to discover he had walked all the way to a forest on the edge of town. Despite a feeling telling him he should run away, Keef continued walking.

_Why do people say this forest is cursed?_ Keef wondered. _It's so peaceful._

Suddenly a bush near Keef began shaking. Keef gasped and looked at it, frozen with fear. Out from the bush came...a bunny?

Keef sighed in relief. "Oh, hello little fella. You scared me." The red-head chuckled and reached to put the fuzzy little creature.

"Hello, Keef." A cold voice said from the darkness.

Keef looked around wildly for the speaker, but nobody was there. "Where are you?" Keef called out. He heard something land behind him and turned to see and angry looking Zim standing on his spider legs, completely out of his disguise, a laser gun in his hand.

"I'm right here, Keef." Zim spat out in disgust.

Keef took a few steps backwards. "Wh-what are you doing here?" He asked frightened.

Zim deactivated his PAK legs and sauntered towards the red-head, waving the gun around. "Oh, nothing," the green alien said. "I just needed to handle a problem..."

"A-a problem?" Keef asked in fear.

Zim just smiled wickedly. "Call a doctor," was all he said before Keef heard a shot and only saw darkness.


End file.
